Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize