I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
