I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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