it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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