I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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