It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
