my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
