You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
