ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
