Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
