She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
