I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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