How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
