but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
