shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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