my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
