have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize