guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize