went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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