Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
