You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
