Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you had me at cake vodka
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
