we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
