So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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