On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
