pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
