just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
