I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His hands were made for my vagina.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize