those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
