Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
