Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
