It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize