i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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