The maid of honor just puked.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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