Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
