i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
