i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
