Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
