Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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