You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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