we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
