theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
