I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
