i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
