A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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