i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
