just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
