so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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