dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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