I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
