Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
