She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
