I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
