she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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