How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
