she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize