I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
