Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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