Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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