The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
