Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize