in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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