brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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