I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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