dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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