I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
