Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
