I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
