Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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