eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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