don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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