just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
