From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
