watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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