so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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