he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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