I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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