her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
