trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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