I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
