I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
