i just wanna soil my oats bro
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
