dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
