Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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