I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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