wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We left the knife in your bed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
