i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize