the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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