I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
