this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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